5 Years

5 years is not long enough. I do not think that all of life will be long enough. October 8 is the anniversary of the death of my son. It has not been long enough to get over the grief. It is more infrequent now but when it comes it is still intense. It does not last as long but in the midst of the sorrow it feels like it will never end. Over the years I have found a few things to be of great help to me in the valley. I hope that you will be helped by them.

1) Consider God’s goodness. Psalm 145:9 “The Lord is good to all, and his mercy is over all that he has made.” God has a good intention in all that comes to pass. Ephesians 1:11-12 “In him we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the purpose of him who works all things according to the counsel of his will, so that we who were the first to hope in Christ might be to the praise of his glory.”

2) Consider God’s providence. Jonathan’s life and death started a chain of events that continues to this day. When confronted with the prospect of our healthy happy Christian family being invaded by tragedy I began to rethink a lot of my basic presuppositions. I was taught that God does not mean for bad things to happen but He can make it work out for good after the fact. This was unacceptable to me. God is either in control of everything that comes to pass for His own glory or He is simply a responder to emergencies. Like a cosmic ambulance service arriving after the accident to fix and help. How this glorifies God I do not know. What I do know is that God works all things to His own glory. Romans 8:28 “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”

3) Do not make any major decisions. When I am grieving and depressed I am not in the proper frame of mind to make calculated wise decision. Proverbs 16:24-25 “Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body. There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death.” Sometimes the way I am thinking during times of sorrow is exactly the opposite of what I ought to be thinking. So I need to be around good people who can help me. Proverbs 17:17 “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.”

4) Study Theology. This might sound odd but it is essential to my spiritual well being during times of sorrow. Grief is necessarily self-centered. We have lost someone profoundly important and we are tying to cope. This is not in and of itself a bad thing. It can turn, very quickly, into a pit of self-focus that is difficult to get out of. So during times of grief I need to get my focus back on God. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 “ So we do not lose heart. Though our outer nature is wasting away, our inner nature is being renewed day by day. For this slight momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.” Study! This is why I spend a lot of time reading books by men that have been dead for hundreds of years. There words still hold true and still bring my mind back to the Lord.

Well these are a few things that help me. Church, know that God is good, He is in control of all, He is our wisdom, and we need to have our thoughts focused on Him Hebrews 12:1-2 “Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.”